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You are here: Home / Key 2. Worthwhile Work / Life’s 3 Stops in Motivation: Happiness, Meaning, Service

Life’s 3 Stops in Motivation: Happiness, Meaning, Service

January 24, 2013

Preface:
This posting is follow-up to a conversation started here:
They seem happy enough. — Goal! (published January 2, 2013)
… and then commented on here — (same page; scroll to the comments) triggered by an article written for The Atlantic by Emily Esfahani Smith:
There’s More to Life Than Being Happy

The links above will open new tabs for you if you’d like to read them first for best context: I’ll wait.

This post is also longer than most, and at the end of it I encourage you to pull out your manager’s journal for self-reflection, thus I’ve queued this up for the coming weekend: I’ll give you breathing room before I post again.

There’s More to Life Than Being Happy

Maybe. But let’s not discount happiness. In my comment, I wrote:

Sometimes a person is motivated by the pursuit of happiness, and sometimes the same person can be motivated by the pursuit of meaning: A manager is tasked with knowing which playing field they are currently on, and helping [their staff] achieve their goals there, so they can move forward. A great manager is versed in responding to both motivations — and honoring them.

We will often question people and may even argue with them, imposing our own shoulds, “But don’t you want this to be more meaningful?” when the better approach is to meet them where they are first, and tackle change later when they want it, or feel they newly need it — often we’ll find they’ll initiate that change when they’re ready.

Managers aren’t exactly ‘motivators.’ They’re Facilitators.

Motivation is primarily an inside job: It’s a relevant truth I’ve encountered over and over again in both managing, and in coaching other managers seeking to solve root cause riddles concerning their employees. So I’ve trained myself to stop whenever I say ‘motivation’ and be sure my words are clear in whatever the conversation: Are we actually talking about self-motivation? (i.e whether mine or someone else’s).

It’s frustrating and fruitless when a manager insists on molding someone’s behavior to a wrongly-perceived motivator, and to the expectations they have connected to that motivator. The frustration occurs because the conversation will usually zoom ahead to how-to concerns when ‘why’ is riddled with doubt.

In the workplace, saying “well, I guess we agree to disagree” is rarely good enough: Alaka‘i Managers will press on, looking for agreement until they find it, or can at least focus the work at hand on part of it.

If those feelings of frustration crop up, where you start to think, “This is futile; this conversation is going nowhere fast,” stop and ask the other person directly, “What is your motivation with this? Can you help me understand it better than I do?” Use the word ‘motivation’ so they focus on it too — don’t skate around it. Then, listen so they feel heard, and so you get a better understanding of what they feel they need.

Don’t assume. Ask, and respond.

Life’s 3 Stops in Motivation

Well done. Now do you know when to shift gears?

We managers can be maddening in the way we hold on to our assumptions and revelations about our people. Here’s the constant, pulsing newsflash: People change, and they’ll change under your watch, whether because of you, or in spite of you.

In Managing with Aloha I encourage managers to “interview your people on an annual basis” because the person you hired (or met when you inherited them) doesn’t remain the same over the course of your working together. They change because their self-motivators may change, and so do you: Your partnership has to evolve with each growth spurt — you both have to adjust as needed, and constantly work on how you work together: 5 Essentials Employees Need to Learn — From You.

Interviewing your people on an annual basis need not be formal or complicated: It’s often a matter of just listening for “where they’re at” clues in other conversations, e.g. within annual performance appraisals, goal-setting conversations, and the Daily 5 Minutes.

In his book The One Thing You Need to Know (which actually covers several things About Great Managing, Great Leading, and Sustained Individual Success), strengths management guru Marcus Buckingham coaches managers to learn 3 levers as “what you need to know about a person in order to manage him or her effectively.” They are: Strengths and Weaknesses (our MWA Key 7), Triggers (which work by keeping strengths turned on and in use), and Style of Learning (whether analyzing, doing, or watching). He considers these 3 levers to be rather constant for people, akin to innate talents, which means they are pretty reliable indicators for a manager. In other words, these ‘levers’ are a person’s approaches with handling change and growth.

Life gives all of this context. As life presses on, we can ‘get off the bus’ to spend some time at what I think of as 3 different HO‘OHANA stops… we purposely interrupt our bus ride and delay the journey so we can stop and smell the roses we see along the way. Sometimes there’s no pressing timetable at all: We’ll catch the bus again when we feel like it.

In my managing and coaching experience, there are 3 main stops:
1. The Pursuit of Personal Happiness
2. The Pursuit of Professional Meaning (whether for Learning or Legacy)
3. The Desire to Give or Give Back (Service)

Let’s take a short bus ride viewing their highlights… this is our ticket for the Motivation Express. Grab a window seat.

Happiness

As you can guess, I don’t necessarily agree with Victor Frankl or Emily Esfahani Smith in concluding that “It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness,” or with the researchers who pronounced, “Happy people get a lot of joy from receiving benefits from others while people leading meaningful lives get a lot of joy from giving to others.” — we’ll get to that on the Service stop.

If happiness is the self-motivator, it’s something that person needs before they can move on to anything else. Where is the common sense in denying or belittling what someone else feels they need? A manager can be of great help with fulfilling the need for happiness — it’s no secret how much our work affects everything else in our lives.

People feel thwarted or drained when they are called upon to do things that they simply have no desire to do, or can’t imagine deriving any joy from: At these times, visionary cause doesn’t really matter, no matter how noble the mission. There seems to be this instinctive natural selection process we are born with, which looks out for our best health and sense of well-being — it’s called wanting. Call it wise, source-fed, self-preserving intuition we can trust in (NĀNĀ I KE KUMU).

A manager will help their people be comfortably present in current reality, dealing with things completely and honestly instead of avoiding them. They don’t push for work/life balance, but for work/life integration. We’ll often see the happiness with one’s lot in life that was there all along:

As Anneliese puts it,
“If everyone were to throw her problems out into the street for a swap you would look at all the others’ and run as fast as you could to collect yours again.”
— FYI: The Grass is Green

Please don’t underestimate the necessity of taking this stop. Happiness is a great thing as a perspective-shaper, giving us optimism and positive-expectancy: To be happy is to feel somewhat secure. To be happy is to be confident, and to have more courage in seeking experimentation, creativity and innovation. As I’ve already said on this blog, happiness is readiness.

What I did concur with in the article though, is that happiness can be fleeting. At some point people will get back on the bus because they feel a restlessness; they sense that happiness wasn’t quite enough for them anymore (Article link to: A Sense of Place Delivers True Wealth)

Their readiness has shifted.

According to Gallup, the happiness levels of Americans are at a four-year high — as is, it seems, the number of best-selling books with the word “happiness” in their titles. At this writing, Gallup also reports that nearly 60 percent all Americans today feel happy without a lot of stress or worry. On the other hand, according to the Center for Disease Control, about 4 out of 10 Americans have not discovered a satisfying life purpose. Forty percent either do not think their lives have a clear sense of purpose or are neutral about whether their lives have purpose. Nearly a quarter of Americans feel neutral or do not have a strong sense of what makes their lives meaningful. Research has shown that having purpose and meaning in life increases overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency, enhances self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression.
— the research cited by Emily Esfahani Smith writing for The Atlantic

Meaning

As a manager and leader, I do think of meaning in professional and aspirational terms, associating it with business vision and workplace mission (the MWA value of ‘IMI OLA). Happiness tends to be a more personal and individual pursuit in the workplace, whereas meaning opens us up to partnership potential, even if we initially pursued it for our individual purpose or learning. Workplace culture is conducive to our joining forces with others to gang up on a bigger objective. Teamwork after all, is a rallying-the-troops pursuit, where we march toward meaning together, KĀKOU and LŌKAHI.

Countless authors and philosophers have waxed eloquent on meaning. We often read (in several philosophical quotations from the older and supposedly wiser) that the answer to that quintessential question on the meaning of life, is simply to live the life you are given, living it as fully as possible.

Not that satisfying, is it. Such a swooping generality tends to evoke another question: And what, pray tell, does “fully” encompass? Yet no wise person will answer that question definitively, except to press back with, “What would it mean to you?”

We managers are much more pragmatic, and thankfully so! We search for a connection to meaning we can hold in our hands. We are hoping to help our people find it, so they can latch on to it for the exhilarating ride. As we just spoke of in an earlier posting, we harness our good impatience and get it to work for us with setting priorities, shaping new goals, and honing laser-like focus on either mission or vision, or both. We capitalize on workplace energies by directing them well.

Hurray for managerial impatience! As you know, our objective within Managing with Aloha is to elevate work, and to bring the everyday potential for meaning into worthwhile work. Meaning need not be so lofty, as a one-of-these-days pursuit.

Get out of those cloudy intangibles and pursue clarity when the conversation turns toward meaning. Sharpen those edges of fuzziness so people can connect to definitive action steps — when ready for the pursuit of meaning, they crave worthy calls to action. They want to seize KULEANA and take a stand. They want to champion a cause and be its vocal ambassadors. They want to perform and be part of worthwhile work that makes sense, and is important.

It’s as simple as that. Let’s not overly complicate it. Let’s just make the magic happen by getting good work done.

Service

This is a stop you take, when compelled by a cause that might not be your own.

In Managing with Aloha I speak of service in the chapter on HO‘OKIPA, the value of hospitality, and I describe the person I think of as Mea Ho‘okipa, or service provider:

“I have been taught that if your were called Mea Ho‘okipa in old Hawai‘i, it was a compliment of the highest possible order. It meant that the person who accorded you that recognition [of character] felt that you embodied a nature of absolute unselfishness. With the compliment they were also saying MAHALO (thank you), appreciative of the hospitality you extended to them with complete and unconditional ALOHA (the outpouring of your spirit)… The Mea Ho‘okipa were those who already seemed to radiate well-being, with an inner peace and joy that came from the total satisfaction they received from their acts of giving.”
— Managing with Aloha, chapter 6

As the person writing this posting for us to reflect on, I must admit that I have never thought of myself as Mea Ho‘okipa by nature, but as aspiration, truly wanting to “get a lot of joy from giving to others.” I’ve spent a great deal of time at my service stops, but I can’t say I’ve settled at any of them yet, for I constantly look for the bus to amble down my road again, wanting to learn more about happiness or about meaning. In my case, I believe the other two work with fleshing out my third.

I honestly don’t know that I’d understand people in pursuit of service at all if not for seeing them through my learning about the value of hospitality: It has been my handle on the empathy required by my Managing with Aloha viewpoint. I’ve come to see hospitality as a higher calling rooted in Lokomaika‘i — that value which is ‘generosity of good heart.’ Yes, I’m stuck on seeing goodness, and I’m very, very glad I am.

Others have told me they see age or tenure connections to the pursuit of being of service, and that this is a stop we grow toward. I don’t think so, for there are many cases where our youth will serve, setting magnificent examples for all of us. To serve is simply another calling, one more pressing to a person than others currently are, and they are in that sweet spot of readiness for it.

So if “the Mea Ho‘okipa [are] those who already seemed to radiate well-being,” where does the manager step in to support and serve them? By giving them ample opportunity to be the givers they thrive in being. There is an abundance of possibility, whether with customers or co-workers.

I think we come closest to seeing service potential as Mea Ho‘okipa (both in ourselves and in others) when we think about this question: “What will I joyfully volunteer for?” In the managerial view of this, compensation, leverage, positional power and advancement get eliminated as motivators or as the means to other ends, and we are reminded that our Mea Ho‘okipa give for the pure joy and delight of the giving. The service stop is fertile ground for what we refer to as servant leadership (ALAKA‘I), much as we see ‘informal leadership’ and ‘leading without title’ germinating at stop 2’s pursuit for professional meaning.

The service stop, is also where I think about stellar followership, something we don’t hold in high enough esteem. To be a stellar follower, is to support a good and noble cause in an exceptional way. You need not be a founding father to put your own signature on an initiative, and make an outstanding contribution to it. Think about that phrase, ‘standing on the shoulders of giants.’ There are so many examples where the second generation of an initiative has been far superior to the first one. Followers are more likely to have the analytical, unemotional distance a founder is unable to have; they can be more objective. Objectivity doesn’t necessarily put a damper on passion and enthusiasm though: Stellar followers will be among the most devoted people you’ll ever meet.

As for those bus routes, direction may not matter.

These 3 stops aren’t necessarily progressive or sequential. I’ve worked with people who start with meaning or service, and then return to happiness later — it’s pretty common. Truth be told, that’s been my own journey too; I was your classic early achiever. In any given mission, I’ve ricocheted between all 3 motivators like a ping-pong ball!

Seen as pursuits, these 3 stops aren’t right or wrong per se; I caution managers about levying those judgements on them: Consider them timely for the person pursuing them, and you’ll have more success in being accepting and supportive unconditionally, only seeking to align your efforts so you can work on the same ‘why’ at the same time.

And so my dear Alaka‘i Manager, pull out your journal and list the names of your team: Where’s their self-motivated, smell-the-roses stop right now; happiness, meaning, or service? How can you help support them while they’re there?

If you have any doubt about the stop you picture them on, banish that doubt as soon as you can. There are no complicated or messy diagnostics involved, just ask them. I’m sure it will be an enlightening conversation for both of you. As we learned about HO‘OKIPA in Managing with Aloha:

“One of life’s greatest laws is that you cannot hold a torch to light another’s path without brightening your own as well.”

Related reading in our ManagingWithAloha.com archives:
What should you do with your life? Find out!

· Key 2. Worthwhile Work, Key 4. The Role of the Manager Reconstructed, Key 6. The ‘Ohana in Business Model, Key 7. Strengths Management

Comments

  1. Rosa Say says

    January 25, 2013 at 11:56 am

    I stumbled across a very good interview with Marcus Buckingham in reference to his book, The One Thing You Need to Know, which I mention in this posting. You can read it here, at Michael McLaughlin’s Management Consulting News.

    One of the things Buckingham talks about in the interview is clarity. His teaching in this regard has really helped me with fine-tuning my own Language of Intention, and our Language of We (MWA Key 5).

    Read the interview to discover why Buckingham is “a little sensitive about” the word ‘vision’ and why everyone in a company can’t be a leader.

    Leadership is not about being right. Most of the literature on leadership focuses on how to find the right strategy, or how to find the right way to behave in a given situation. Leadership is supposedly about picking out the one right action, or strategy, or the one right segment to serve. I think all of that’s missing the point.

    Leaders don’t make more right decisions. They just make more decisions. And then they make them right, if you follow that… an interview with Marcus Buckingham

  2. Rosa Say says

    February 8, 2013 at 8:22 am

    Henna Inam, organizer of TEDxCentennialParkWomen, explains:

    Not everyone’s motivation was the same. I needed to understand each individual’s motivation and find a way for the organization to fulfill it.

    “In the last two years, I have learned more about leadership through leading groups of volunteers than during my entire 20-year corporate career. Leading volunteer teams is a humbling experience from which any leader can benefit. As the workplaces of the future move from command and control hierarchies to networks of alliances within and outside organizations, these sort of experiences help us develop the traits each of us need to learn to lead in the future.”

    “On Dec 1, I was part of an all-volunteer team that pulled off a TEDxWomen event called TEDxCentennialParkWomen. Within three months, we did our legal set-up, curated nine amazing speakers, found sponsors, venue, created a website, brand identity, marketing, PR, social media platforms, concluding with our inaugural event launch with about 100 people participating. We didn’t charge for tickets. Team members had not worked together before. They had full-time jobs, businesses, families. Most of our meetings were virtual. No one was paid to do anything. Were we all on drugs? If so, I’ll bet some companies want that prescription!”

    “Here are the 5 leadership lessons I learned from this experience:

    1) Organizations must serve individuals – For true engagement to happen, leaders must find a way to help people achieve their personal goals through the organization. Some volunteers jumped in because they saw the opportunity to express their own beliefs through our mission (“to educate, inspire, and empower women in all aspects of their lives”). Some jumped in because they saw this as a way to learn new skills, to express their strengths, to get exposure, to make new friends, connections, and contacts. Not everyone’s motivation was the same. I needed to understand each individual’s motivation and find a way for the organization to fulfill it. This is a flip of the assumption I had in corporate America: People (including me) are here to serve the organization. We need both for engagement to happen.”

    Read the rest here:
    5 tips from a TEDxWomen organizer on becoming a better leader

  3. Rosa Say says

    March 24, 2013 at 8:23 am

    More fodder for the motivation discussion from the NY Times: David Rock, director of the NeuroLeadership Institute, has developed an acronym — SCARF — to better explain people’s behavior, particularly at work. He says:

    It’s really a summary of what motivates us, the things we feel most passionately about, both positively and negatively, that are driving our behavior all the time. They’re almost like the primary colors of intrinsic motivation.

    So, simply put, the brain categorizes everything into one of two categories: threat or reward. We’re driven unconsciously to stay away from threat. We’re driven unconsciously to go toward reward. This decision about threat or reward happens five times every second. It’s very subtle. We’re making this decision about everything good or bad all the time.

    He explains SCARF in terms of what it means for a boss and leader:

    It stands for status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness.

    Status is literally your perception of where you are in the pecking order around you, and it’s a feeling of being better than or worse than others. We feel uncomfortable until we work out our status with people. We are more comfortable and we’re more effective when there’s a clear status arrangement between people. When we feel a higher status, we get a slight reward. When we feel lower status, we get a strong threat. The challenge is that if somebody continuously fights for high status, all the other people around them might be getting a strong threat response.

    One of the challenges with management is you’ve got very smart people who are high status, and they like to feel smart. They give lots of feedback to everyone else about what they should be doing better, and other people take that as a threat. People react to a performance review as if someone is saying your life is in danger. And the pushback is real. People will push back so intensely because they experience a strong nonconscious threat response. It’s the same mechanism that makes people argue to be right even when they know they’re wrong.

    Certainty is a constant drive for the brain. We saw this with Hurricane Sandy. The feeling of uncertainty feels like pain, when you can’t predict when the lights will come back on and you’re holding multiple possible futures in your head. That turns out to be cognitively exhausting. And the more we can predict the future, the more rewarded we feel. The less we can predict the future, the more threatened we feel. As soon as any ambiguity arises in even a very simple activity, we get a threat response. So we are driven to create certainty.

    This is challenging in the context of work. When the boss walks in the room, they create a status threat, but they also create a certainty threat because they often create all sorts of change, all sorts of chaos, and you don’t know what’s coming next. But many organizations are taking an open-book-management approach, making all their financials available to everyone. I think there’s a lot of power in increasing people’s sense of certainty and reducing the inherent uncertainty that can happen in an organization.

    The third one is autonomy, which is a sense of control. It’s similar to certainty, but it’s different. Certainty is prediction. Autonomy is control. And it’s a very important thing for us to feel a sense of control, so much so that a small stress where you have no control generally is in fact a very big stress. When autonomy goes down, it’s a strong threat. So when the boss walks in the room, they’ve got the final say, so suddenly your autonomy goes down. So now we’re three for three with just the boss walking in the room.

    Let’s shift to relatedness. We make a decision about each person we interact with that impacts basic processing and many other things. And the decision we make about everyone is, “Are you in my ‘in’ group or in my ‘out’ group?’” If you decide that I’m in your “in” group, you process what I’m saying using the same brain networks as thinking your own thoughts. If you decide I’m in your “out” group, you use a totally different brain network. So the very level of unconscious perception has a huge impact based on this decision of: “Is this person similar to me? Are they on my team? Do we have shared goals, or are they in my out group?”

    This is the neurobiology of trust in a sense, but also of teamwork and collaboration. It feels good to be with “in” group members. But we basically treat everyone as foe until proven otherwise, with the exception of really attractive people or if you’ve had a moderate amount to drink.

    The important question this raises is, “How do we create an ‘in’ group?” And the research is really clear. If you can create shared goals among people, you can create quite a strong “in” group quite quickly. When you can find a shared goal, you turn an “out” group” into an “in” group. Unless a leader creates shared goals across an organization, an organization will be a series of silos. That’s the inherent way that we live. We naturally think in small groups.

    The final one is fairness, and it’s very fundamental. A fair exchange of anything is intrinsically rewarding. An unfair exchange of anything is intrinsically threatening — and not just threatening, but very intensely threatening. So you can give someone $20 in a study and they can be really angry at you, rather than happy, because someone else got $40.

    So these are the five domains of SCARF, and they are playing out in every situation, every interaction.

    When a leader walks in the room, everyone else’s status goes down, everyone’s certainty goes down, everyone’s autonomy goes down. The relatedness to the leader goes down. And often fairness will go down in particular just because leaders are paid so much more money for what can look to others like less work. So what you see in general situations at work is people feeling a threat in all five domains, just due to their boss’s existence.

    A smart boss will notice this and do all sorts of things to try to fix it. Some bosses will try to play down their status. A smart boss will work on certainty and make sure they’re establishing clear expectations. That really helps people. That also helps with autonomy, when you have really clear expectations.

    You can’t do much about fairness. You can be more transparent. That will help fairness, but leaders are going to be paid more money for what looks to some people like less work. People will probably think it’s unfair.

    I think the domain where leaders can have the biggest impact is relatedness. Many people have had a boss they really wanted to work hard for because they respected them. It doesn’t have to be love, but it’s a sense of respect. And I think that those bosses have worked hard to have a sense of relatedness with people, which comes from having shared goals and making sure there’s a feeling of being on the same team, not a sense of “us” and “them.”

    [Related reading here at Managing with Aloha: You can’t “Be fair.” Be consistent.]

    Stowe Boyd summed it up well in his comments on the article:

    …we do best in a work environment of high status, high certainty, high autonomy, high relatedness, and high fairness. Anything less is a tradeoff. But company cultures and individuals’ behavior often move the needle the wrong way: by threats instead of rewards, and by limiting the various factors in SCARF.

Trackbacks

  1. The instinctive, natural selection of Wanting says:
    January 28, 2013 at 10:02 am

    […] not occasionally. Often. I had a conversation with a manager over the weekend about Life’s 3 Stops in Motivation. He’d asked one of his team members, “You know I think you do a really good job for us here; […]

  2. Purposeful Following says:
    January 30, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    […] I’d like to follow-up with a bit more on the concept of ‘stellar followership’ mentioned 2 postings before this one: [If you got here via searching the keyword, this article is NOT about social media ‘following’ or ‘friending.’ Here on Managing with Aloha we talk story about good work and great workplaces.] The service stop, is also where I think about stellar followership, something we don’t hold in high enough esteem. To be a stellar follower, is to support a good and noble cause in an exceptional way. You need not be a founding father to put your own signature on an initiative, and make an outstanding contribution to it. Think about that phrase, ‘standing on the shoulders of giants.’ There are so many examples where the second generation of an initiative has been far superior to the first one. Followers are more likely to have the analytical, unemotional distance a founder is unable to have; they can be more objective. Objectivity doesn’t necessarily put a damper on passion and enthusiasm though: Stellar followers will be among the most devoted people you’ll ever meet. — About Service, in Life’s 3 Stops in Motivation: Happiness, Meaning, Service […]

  3. Role Reconstruction: Design your Sweet Spot as Manager says:
    February 4, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    […] (control, power, perks), positioning (advancement, influence, access) and compensation aren’t your underlying motivators; they’re fringe benefits to the happy fact that you get to do what you love to do: Pursue a […]

  4. The Whole is Greater than the Sum of Parts says:
    March 8, 2013 at 11:40 am

    […] to emerge. And they usually don’t wait… they emerge and play out whenever they want to or need to. Managers who only know the parts, and only want to see the parts in their workplace, will get […]

  5. Managing Basics: Study Their Work says:
    April 18, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    […] a similar self-motivation, determination and commitment isn’t happening in the workplace though, is it. The possibility is […]

  6. Management Style by Habit says:
    May 23, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    […] You may come up with a different framing, and that’s okay, but DO IT! Here is another framing suggestion for you: Life’s 3 Stops in Motivation: Happiness, Meaning, Service. […]

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